12 Months of Lent

The Dirty Dozen

What exactly am I giving up? Why am I giving it up? When am I giving it up? What do I expect to gain from giving it up?

In order, my 12 personal sacrifices, The Dirty Dozen, are:

Salt/ March - Table salt and salted snacks such as popcorn and pretzles. Anyone who has been out for a meal with me knows I am a total saltaholic. I salt everything except chocolate and watermelon. I love salt so much I eat the salt that accumulates at the bottom of the pretzel bags I get out of the vending machine. I consume so much salt that I have enough water retained to support a military style ruck march through the Gobi Desert. For a battalion of Marines. I expect to lose about 5 pounds of water weight in the first week alone. Beyond that I think I will gain a deeper appreciation for what food really tastes like. For the record, I think this is going to be one of the hardest for me to give up. I really have a problem.

Meat / April - Every land based animal. Beef, turkey, duck, chicken, turduken, lamb, ham, sausage, etc. Seafood is permissible. This is going to be a rough one because I am a total carnivore. I love all the meats. I do not discriminate in any area of my life, including my meat consumption. I am not one of those people who feels guilty eating lamb because it's so fuzzy and cute. To me, Cute = Tasty! The cuter they are, the better they taste! Also, as I mentioned in my Background, I have given up meat before and it is a real pain to try to find food on the go without meat. Taco Bell, Bojangles, Burger King, Subway, Cafeteria's, Arby's. We are a meat based society. I expect that I will, like the last time I gave up meat, lose a few pounds and generally gain some energy. I found out last time how much meat weighs us down internally. Sadly, it won't keep me from sucking back chili dogs from Snoopy's the minute my 30 days are up.

Eating Out / May - All restaurants. No fast food, no slow food, no greasy spoons, no gourmet restaurants. This is going to be difficult for 3 reasons: As a single, actively dating female, dining out is a typical part of the mating/dating dance. Dating without dinner's out is going to be a challenge. And turn me into a really cheap date, which should make the man I am dating very happy. Secondly, my job is fairly high stress and on average, I eat take out at my desk about three times a week. I also have a really bad habit of oversleeping and rushing out the door without a minute to spare, which will make the whole "bringing my lunch from home" thing a real pain in the butt. And finally, I am a damn lazy Mommy at times. I am not above whipping through Burger King, Buffalo's, Bojangles or hitting the K&S Cafeteria to feed my kids. I'm slack, I admit it. I primarily expect that this sacrifice will save me a boatload of money. Even when I throw back the 6-inch special at Subway, I tend to spend on average $5 a day on lunch. Nights I grab take out for me and the kids it's at least $15. Sometimes I spend as much as $30 a day on food. I am deeply ashamed.

TV (DVD's included) / June - All TV shows, DVD movies and the news. The only exception to the TV rule will be the Emergency Clause: Terrorist Attack on US Soil or Weather Emergency (Hurricane, primarily). In the event that not turning on the TV would put me or my kids in, as opposed to on, jeopardy (get it, Jeopardy??), I will make the exception. I will not seek out locations that have TV and will strive to avoid being in situations where watching a TV is unavoidable. This will be difficult, not only for me, but for my kids. We typically hunker down and watch at least one or two movies on a weekend together. To some extent, I will still let the kids watch TV but for the most part, I will encourage them to "turn it off" as well. Again, this will be a tough one as dating typically involves hanging out and watching movies. I guess me and my sweetie will just have to play poker, Yahtzee, Trivial Pursuit, go for long walks and come up with other more, ahem, "amusing" ways to kill time. I think that in the end I will gain a renewed interest in reading, crocheting, playing games and generally using my brain more.

Swearing / July- Holy s#it, this one is going to be a bi#ch. I have a mouth like a sailor. I admit it. I have a rich and colorful vocabulary. One of my best friends is a New York Italian who can't get through a simple greeting without dropping the F-Bomb. I also personally boast the ability to use said F-Bomb in a sentence multiple times in the form of a verb, noun, adjective, adverb and signifier. In the same sentence, no less. I've got skills. Gang members from Compton beg me to help them increase their verbal skills for enhanced street-cred. Word. I expect that my primary gain from this sacrifice will be improved vocabulary and left brain thinking ability. To replace all the profanity I use, it's going to take quite a bit of creativity. Golly!

Condiments / August - Everything except salt and seasonings. This includes, ketchup, mustard, vinegar, salad dressings, Heinz 57, soy sauce, etc. Oh, and butter. The kicker here is that by giving up these, I will be forced to give up a number of foods by default. A salad with no dressing? Not likely. Fries without ketchup? Not gonna happen. Sushi without soy sauce? Don't think so. Subway subs without mustard? Not a chance, buddy. Any of a million foods that are best served dripping in butter? Just can't do it. By default I will be giving up a whole host of things I just can't conceive of eating without their accoutrement. I'm not sure what I will gain from this. Possibly an appreciation for the flavor of certain foods and their value as actual foods instead of a mere vehicle for the condiment of choice. Who am I kidding? I think this one will be 30 days of flavorless hell.

Caffeine / September - Coffee, Tea, Hot Chocolate, RedBull and sodas including my own personal version of Crack in a Can, Diet Mt. Dew. I start each brand new day with either a cup of coffee or hot tea. I get a Chai Latte from Starbucks at least twice a week. I consume Diet Mt. Dew by the case. I suspect that giving up caffeine is going to turn me into a stark raving lunatic. Well, during my periods of consciousness, which I think will be fewer and farther between, given my dependence on this substance. There are health benefits. According to my doctor, caffeine exacerbates my fibrocystic breast tissue condition. This is where my breasts are particularly fibrous and lumpy, in no small part due to my caffeine consumption, which usually results in annual monograms to rule out cancer. So on one hand, eliminating caffeine, especially on a longer term basis, might eliminate the annual anxiety of "Is it cancer??". On the other hand, my breasts aren't that big to begin with. If I quit drinking caffeine and the lumps go away, I might not have any breasts left.

Personal Electronic Communication / October - Personal Email and Text Messaging. I looked at my cell phone record for the last 2 months. On average I send and receive about 600 text messages in a month, primarily to about 4 people. One of my friends and I have no other communication except text messaging. Also, I have a personal email list that I send jokes out on and updates about different things going on in my life to various friends. This will have to be shut down for a month. Further, my sister, mother, ex-husband and all of my Usual Suspects tend to use email as the primary means of contacting me, particularly during the daytime hours. This one will take some work. I suspect I will have to "block" my friends emails from my work address and will also have to get someone I trust to go into my personal email account and delete the junk on a daily basis to prevent my account from maxing out. Of all the sacrifices, I think this is the one my friends and family will hate the most.

Junk Food / November - Chips, vending machine snacks, popcorn, candy, basically anything you can get at a convenience store. My daily breakfast is cheese and peanut butter crackers from my company vending machine. I tend to grab a bag of pretzels or chips during the middle of the afternoon to keep my energy up. This is going to be as big a challenge for me as the not eating out month. I am hypoglycemic and am subject to my blood sugar dropping. Now, in the event of an "episode" I will have to consume something to keep from passing out but, that's where the challenge comes in. Typically to keep my blood sugar even, I make sure to space out my meals and try to keep some food or juice in my system every few hours. To make sure I don't lose control of my sugar level, I am going to have to plan ahead with sensible, healthy snacks brought from home. Again, I am not so good with the planning my day out in advance and not having to rush out the door to keep from being late. This one will take much diligence on my part to accomplish and not compromise my health. The primary gain I foresee is the ability to postpone the onset of the need for an angioplasty by at least another month.

Fasting (Give up all food on Friday) / December- From the minute I wake up, til the minute I go to bed, no solid foods (or soup). Water and juice only. I can't do water only (see the above explanation about hypoglycemia). Interestingly enough, I chose to have this sacrifice occur during the month of December. The month of December tends to be a month of gluttony and excess. By setting aside one day, particularly during the season of Advent, I will be able to focus on "the reason for the season" and also to remember that there are many people in the world that do not enjoy the excesses of the holidays and that hunger is a daily part of their existence. Of all the sacrifices, I expect this one to be the most moving for me in terms of spirituality.

Alcohol / January. All forms of alcohol. Beer, wine, liquor, shots, rum cake. As a fairly social woman in her 30's I am quite fond of the occasional post work cocktail. I also have a great love of hockey, for which a love of beer is a prerequisite. Additionally, I have a strong affinity for fine foods, most of which wine is the ultimate in complimentary beverages for. I short, I like the stuff. Ideally, I suspect that what I will gain is quite varied: I'm sure I will save money as anyone who has ever been out for drinks knows, it can be quite expensive. I also expect to lose a few pounds as alcohol is typically a high calorie, low nutrient substance. Further, much like my period of abstinence prior to my mission trip, the lack of drinking will probably remove me from a great deal of social settings as being the only non-drinker in a group is less than fun. And the drinkers tend to get suspicious and hostile when you don't join in.

Music / February - All radio, CD's and iPod use. I will also avoid live music in terms of concerts and bar bands. Another tough one. I love live music and can be found out listening to great bands or concerts at least once or twice a month. I also tend to use music to decompress at the end of a stressful day. Lastly, I use music as a huge part of my motivation to exercise. I can't even begin to imagine how boring a workout will be with no music pumping me up and urging me to push myself harder. On the upside, this will give me more time to think, more time to actually listen to my thoughts and my children in the car on the way home. To not allow the oftentimes offensive debasing music of our culture to distract me from spiritual centeredness. That and I also will probably save about $50 a month not downloading anything from iTunes for a month.

posted by Monet @ 8:18 PM